Alright, so I am tossing the idea of a daily blog to the winds. It takes too much time, and sometimes I am really not in the mood to write. So let's try for a weekly blog, okie dokie?
Yesterday! Oh yesterday...
Let's start from the beginning: last week, due to my hormones being unbalanced (maybe.. but I will blame it on that anyways, makes me feel somewhat better to have an excuse for it) I started to get really really sad. Like break out in tears for no reason sad. Nathan was flustered, he kept trying to soothe me, make me laugh, just change my mood for one a bit happier.
This week, it seems now I have a reason. I am homesick. Really homesick. I will admit to really wanting my mommy right now. I am thinking what I really need is a big hug from her, breathe in her mommy scent, and know that everything is a-ok. If I could somehow get (at the very least) a monthly dose of mommy, I would feel so much better. It's the little things. Nathan told me what they do here to celebrate Christmas, and I realized I won't be celebrating with my family. I received a truly amazing cookbook in the mail from my mom with one of her typically lovely notes written inside, which makes me cry everytime I attempt to read it. Or I simply imagine my family home, hanging out with my little brother, cuddling with my mom.. ughh. I cry a lot, to put it plainly.
And what should I do about this? I also miss having a group of friends to go out with, bowl with, argue movies with. I will admit I am making a few friends here, but distant, at best. I get these lonely periods everyday. I realize I don't really open my mouth until more than half the day is gone. Nathan is my anchor, the one who keeps me here. I love him more than I have ever loved someone, and I love him more and more everyday. He tries so hard to make me smile. And more often than not, it works. But it doesn't make up for the half a day everyday that I am alone with my thoughts. And I think too hard. It's a gift of mine. I look too far into things, question everything, think up scenarios in my head. Just think of me as Winnie the Pooh on his thinking log, hard at work, thinking thoughts. It is why I am so creative. I think too hard!
So yesterday, I received that amazing cookbook from my mom. Right after I have finished reading what she had inscribed in the cover she gives me a call. So naturally I swallow my tears, pinch myself, bite my lip, anything to slow the tears as I talk to her. Strangely she had just received my card in the mail. So we talk. I think she knew, I was sad. She is a mother, after all. It's instinct. But I kept my cool, and patted my back for doing so. Then I started madly knitting my scarf (yes, I am back to knitting, and it's doing me some good) to try to take my mind off of everything. Just fall into the rythm. Knit two, purl two. Knit two, purl two...
Nathan arrived to find me with red eyes and a nearly finished scarf (and yes, you will all get to see the finished product, and ask for your own, if you want one.) and decided we were going out to the movies, and then dinner.
The theater was nearly empty, but we were happy to find that they had a special deal on Tuesdays - you get a regular drink and popcorn along with your seat ticket, for the price of admission. Awesome! So I go to use my card... and... not approved. Huh? I tried again... still not approved. What?!? I started to panic, obviously. Nathan tried to calm me, and bought everything that night, promising to remind me to check my banking when we got home. Really what I needed on my mind. More stress. Let's see how much straw Melody's back can take before it breaks..
The movie was excellent, and really helped me escape from reality for a few hours. It was Inglorious Basterds. Although really violent, the story was really well written, the characters enjoyable, and the action fun to watch, if not overly destructive.
We ate at a really nice lounge. I felt spoiled... though we talked some more about my feelings. In the end, I told him I just need some more time to settle into life here. I still feel out of my element, restless. I need some sort of stability here. I think perhaps with a job, I will achieve that. It will keep me busy, get me out, keep me talking, and maybe I will make friends too.. One could hope.
After talking to three representatives on the phone in regards to my card, it turns out that sometime within the last two weeks someone cloned my card and got all my info and went on a short shopping spree, spending 500 dollars before the bank decided that the actions being taken were erratic and froze the card and my money. I now have to get my butt over to a bank today to set up a new card with a new password, and wait a few days before the money is returned to me. Joy.
Let us hope that today shall be a better day. My thanks to Nathan, though, for making yesterday way better than it could have been!
Miss you all, and now you have a better idea of how much I do...
Melody
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